Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 14th January 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 14^th January 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      In an extension of its overblown foreign policy, D-Town has launched pre-emptive strikes of milk round deliveries and new bus services in areas of the county that have nothing to do with D-Town.  Milk deliveries have begun in that awkward bit of country near the River Avon, just before you get to Bath.  A spokesperson for the Clowncil announced that these “operations” (which had been carried out in tandem with Melksham Council) were “necessary to ensure the safely of D-Town deliveries, and were in no way meant to signal an escalation in wider county hostilities”.   Yeah, right. 

2.    Several busses in the fleet of double-deckers on the 49 route have been taken out of service whilst safety checks are carried out.  Last week a window panel blew out on the ascent of Caen Hill towards D-Town.  Whilst this was very frightening for the passengers, no-one was actually sucked to an agonising high-pressure death, and the bus arrived safely in the Market Place.  It is chilling to think of what might have happened if the bus had been anywhere near Swine-town or TrowVegas. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024

 

 

Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 7th January 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7^th January 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      The festive season and Twelfth Night having been successfully negotiated, D-Town supermarkets are gearing themselves up for Valentine’s Day, Easter, Back-To-School, Summer Holidays, Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Hallowe’en, Bonfire Night and, of course, next Christmas. 

2.    The Post Office scandal has spread its ugly tentacles even into D-Town’s infrastructure.  Several customers have been wrongly denied entry to the fastest-moving queues, and thus missing vital appointments, and some even losing the will the will to live.  Collections and deliveries have been delayed, and yet compensation has been denied to customers waiting for vital supplies, such as sex-dolls, illegal prescriptions and hard-core pornography. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024