Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 11th January 2015
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. After
the euphoria of the New Year, it was back to normal business with a bang in
Bromham this week. In a return to the
bad old days of South Western lawlessness, vegetable terrorism reared its ugly
head in the village. On Tuesday a gang
of masked men armed with sacks and crates raided various warehouses in remote
areas and stole large quantities of root vegetables, making their escape on a
tractor with out-of-village plates. In a
massive police operation involving the village bobby and a panda car from
nearby Devizes, the perpetrators were tracked down to a barn in Seend. After being surrounded, and refusing to come
out quietly with their roots in their hands, the carrot-rustlers were finally
captured after falling for a police ruse involving a bribe of several pounds of
Jerusalem artichokes.
2. And,
in another piece of extremely bad news, the starting gun was prematurely fired
in this year’s campaign for the Parish Council elections in May. FLOP, CRAP, WHO and SELF all held
press-conferences to (apparently) announce their manifestos. We would like to bring you news of what each
party was promising but, despite our best efforts, our intrepid reporter
managed to sleep through each one. However,
in one piece of brighter news, it was announced that Mr Piglet Farage will
again be manning the fruit-cake stall at this year’s Spring fete.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2015
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