Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 29th August 2015
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. It
has been a week of panic on the Bromham Stock Exchange. The UCI (Un-quoted Carrot Index) has seen
wide swings in value, as parsnip stocks took a tumble, but were rallied by
Cabbage Futures. Interest in Kohlrabi remains
uncertain. The markets are panicking as
the Chinese try to prop up failing Pak Choi derivatives, Ginger Gilts and Water
Chestnut equities. Worries over the
prospects for growth in beetroots continue.
2. PC
“Letsbeavinyer” Piglet swooped on Friday at BIA (Bromham International Airport)
to arrest a pair of known Seend Sympathisers as they attempted to board a
flight into the Disputed Territories, with the intention of joining fighters in
the so-called IS (Idiots of Seend). They
were detained under sweeping new vegetable export laws introduced by the Parish
Council last month, in an attempt to stop the outflow of extremist sympathisers
and to curb spinach smuggling.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2015
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