Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 15th May 2022
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Great pride throughout the borough this week as the latest Food Bank was officially opened. Civic dignitaries, local entrepreneurs, philanthropists, D-list celebrities, social influencers and various hangers-on were treated to champagne, caviar, canapes, lobster and all the best in food and drink to mark the grand opening. The guests were then given grandstand seats to watch the first paupers, social misfits and the dregs of society haul their sorry arses across the be-ribboned starting line in a local hunger-games version of supermarket dash, as they attempted to grasp out-of-date tins and packets of staple foods. The day culminated in a stand-up fight in Aisle 7 as two desperate families fought over the last packets of carrots.
2. And, in a surprise turn-up for the books, D-Town’s entry in the Wiltshire Song Contest did not come last with zero points. Residents and civic leaders alike were shocked at the result. Local residents complained that it was “a break with decades-long tradition” and berated the DBC (D-Town Broadcasting Corporation) for its completely feckless approach to the competition by allowing an entry with a tiny amount of musical quality to be put forward in the first place.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2022
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