Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 30th June 2024
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The D-Town Branch of Reform UK has announced that “there is no room in this party for racists, misogynists, or anti-Semites”. It later stated that this may have given a somewhat false impression of their views. It later clarified that there was no room for such people, since it was already completely full of them. In fact, there is a waiting list to get in.
2. And in an attempt to get into the mood for summer music festivals, following last week’s Isle of Wight festival, and this week-end’s Glastonbury festival, and a total inability to get any tickets, a D-Town couple have decided to try and re-create the whole Festival Experience at their home. After locking themselves out of the house for four days, the pair are now camping in a corner of their garden. They have rigged up a sound system which plays Coldplay and The Sugababes on a constant loop at high volume. The security lights stay on all night, and they have attracted complaints and abuse from their neighbours at both sides of their property. They have had little in the way of sleep. After eating badly barbecued food, and drinking cans of warm lager, they are taking it in turns to have a fairly runny crap behind the potting shed. They are currently looking forward to the traditional Sunday tea-time “legends” slot, which will feature a CD of Benny Hill singing “The Fastest Milkman In The West”.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2024
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