Here is
our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
·
Private
security firm B4S (Before Security) have finally admitted that they are unable
to recruit sufficient staff to secure the Bromham borders. Bromham Parish Council have had to intervene
by bringing in PVS (Piglet Vigilante Services).
Unlike the Olympics, where the problem is to prevent ne’er-do-wells from
getting into the sites, PVS will be
employed to stop disaffected Bromham residents from getting out and escaping from the village
compound into the outside world. The
risk of cross-breeding with normal people is too terrible to contemplate.
·
At
the end of his court case this week, Bromham Casuals’ star striker Dwayne
Mooney was acquitted by magistrates on the charge of serially abusing opponents
with a range of root vegetables. Whilst
Mooney admitted in his testimony to several incidents involving carrots and
parsnips, he successfully claimed that he had only been using the vegetables
“in a sarcastic manner”. Despite the
court ruling, Mooney may still face charges from the Wiltshire FA of bringing vegetables
into disrepute.
·
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2012
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