Here is
our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
·
Tim
Piglet’s Retail Complex & Emporium (aka the village shop) has withdrawn
from sale all its packs of horsemeat burgers (both Gristle Specials, and the
ever-popular budget-range of String’n’Sinew specials), when it was discovered
last week that some packs actually contained faint traces of beef DNA and tiny
amounts of nutrition. In a random
scientific test, conducted in the local tithe-barn, during the annual
goat-nadgering session, several people who ate the cooked burgers, complained
of them tasting “a bit funny”, and were unable to fart properly for the rest of
the day. Mr John Piglet, proprietor of
Knuckle & Gristle (Butchers To The Barmy), was not available for comment.
·
All
operators of Bromham’s long-awaited new 787 Field Device, the so-called
DreamTractor, have been warned to stop using their new equipment after a range
of technical problems were discovered last week. One tractor failed its standard
noise-emission tests when it failed to wake several neighbours at 6.30am on
Sunday morning. Another failed to rip
proper deep gouges in the front lawn-strips of several houses in the lane. And a third was unable to cover its rear
lights and registration-plate in liquid cow-shit within the statutory twenty
minutes. Engineers are working 24x7 to
isolate and fix the problems.
·
Villagers
are still coming to terms with the devastating news that the prestigious “Tour
de Kyrgystan” sheep-droving competition will not be staging its opening drive
through this part of Wiltshire in 2014. Bromham
had faced stiff competition from rival bids from Trowbridge, East Grinstead and
the East Birmingham Industrial Trading Estate.
·
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2013
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