What Did 2016 Ever Do For Us??

What Did 2016 Ever Do For Us??

Well, it was another quiet twelve months -

Nothing very much to speak of in twenty-sixteen.

I can’t think of very much of note:

In fact there was precious little to be seen.

OK – we lost a few things we wish we hadn’t,

Like common sense out on the American stump,

But you can’t trust the yanks to do anything right:

Which is how they ended up with that idiot Trump.

OK – there was a bit of a constitutional debate:

Where the Great British public behaved as ifit were dumb,

Resulting in a narrow decision for Brexit,

After the vote in the EU Never-endum.

OK – we managed third in the Olympics table

But, after bombing another World Cup,

And a whitewash Test Series in India,

I think we should just decide to give up.

But then Leicester Foxes won the Premiership -

Something the pundits said was an outside bet

And they beat those wallies from Chelsea & Manchester,

How much better could football things get?

Well, not being England manager – obviously,

As proved by “One-game” Sam Allardyce,

Exposed by a sting by the media,

Mired in corruption and vice.

Nor being the Prime Minister, it seems:

Cameron and Gove didn’t seem to find things funny,

So hopped away from the media attention,

To go and spend more time with their money.

And look how many musicians have left us:

The Starman & The Bird On The Wire have quit,

The Artist Formerly known as, the Purple One  -

From Paisley…and The Quo’s Rick Parfitt!

Keith Emerson & Greg Lake have both gone,

So I’ll bet Carl Palmer’s feeling a bit sore,

And it’ll take some major imagination

To do another ELP Reunion Tour!

Then there are those who’ve written their last:

Umberto Eco, Barry Hines & Carla Lane,

Arnold Wesker, Anita Brookner & Harper Lee,

Peter Shaffer & Tony Warren we’ll not see again.

And the Entertainers’ Bench looks a bit empty:

Corbett, and Wogan and Rickman – all of them good,

Jimmy Young, Paul Daniels, Gene Wilder,

Bert Kwouk, Ed “Stewpot” Stewart & Victoria Wood.

  

Hilda Ogden from Corrie’s departed,

Richard Adams in our sight didn’t dither,

And Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia! -

I guess The Force was no longer with her.

Nor was Debbie Reynolds, her mum!

Then there was Nancy Reagan & Howard Marks

George Martin, Sylvia Anderson & Frank Finlay,

And the year expired in a shower of sparks!

Mrs Merton and that waiter Manuel,

Muhammad Ali no longer floats like a butterfly,

And Wham! – George Michael was off!

Oh, why, oh why did they all have to die?

To say nothing of innocent Jo Cox,

Murdered in cold blood whilst doing her best,

And refugees drowned whilst crossing an ocean,

Dreadful images that put our stomachs to the test.

The death and destruction of Aleppo,

Thousands at BHS facing a sacking,

The culling of thousands of badgers,

And, it seems, no way to stop fracking.

…But it’s not the British way to dwell upon such things –

Not when the BBC shows Clarkson the door,

Len Goodman’s time’s over on Strictly,

And the Bloody Bake-Off’s gone to channel Four.

No – we want to hear about Boaty McBoatface,

About how Power ignores the Popular Vote

About Revolution stalking the land,

All over the naming of a bloody small boat!

Or – more Earth-shattering news yet -

How those foreign chocolate-chomping chumps

Could bugger up world-famous Toblerone,

By getting rid of some of its humps!

…..so you see, it’s all been pretty quiet,

On that subject I give you my word,

But apart from those occasional losses ……

Absolutely nothing occurred!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2016