Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 3rd February
2019
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
D-Town
residents were once again in a state of total shock after they discovered that
it was once again very cold and that Winter had arrived. People with only 20 pints of milk and 8 loaves
of bread in their houses waded out through shoe-deep drifts of barely-settled
snow and slush, to once again efficiently strip supermarket shelves of such
essential items as bacterial floor wipes, bags of frozen ready-cut onions,
dishwasher sanitisers and super-strength toilet bleach. A concerned resident said, ‘I don’t know – it
seems like it’s Winter nearly once a year now.
Is this one of the effects of Global Warming them scientists keep on
about?’ A Council spokes-bot said, ‘No
it isn’t.’
2. And, in other news, the Faresaver bus company dealt a
body-blow to hopes of retaining jobs in The Vize, by announcing that they will
recruit their new bus driver from Trowvegas after all. A local councillor said ‘this is a kick in
the teeth for the local community. After
teaching Fred from the chip shop how to drive, the whole community had hoped
that this would result in another full-time position being filled. Alas, this is not to be.’ It also means that Fred is now over-qualified
for chip shop work so, in addition to the job he didn’t get, he will now lose
the job he already had. That’s the
market economy for you.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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