Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7th April 2019
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
Outrage across Wiltshire has broken out at the news
that the Sultan of Trowvegas has re-introduced new local religious laws that
would see offences of bus-fare evasion punished by public stoning, hanging,
drawing, quartering, poisoning and strangulation. And that would be just for a first
offence. Repeat offences would be
punished much more severely. People have
spoken of their fear of riding the 49 bus-route into the Badlands of Trowvegas,
and possibly being accused of “the offence that dare not speak its name”. In a move to mollify his critics, the Sultan
has pointed out that it will still be perfectly acceptable to put chewing gum
on the floor, to smoke, to leave windows open, to put feet up on seats, and to
spit without causing any offence.
2.
And an enquiry has been launched after it was reported
that D-Town troops serving in the garrison in The Sham had been videoed using a
picture of Elton John for target practice.
A spokesman vowed to get to the bottom of these rumours. “If it turns out to be true, you can rest
assured that the picture will be replaced with the normal one of Justin Bieber.” No politicians were harmed in the making of
this report.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
No comments:
Post a Comment