Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 13th December 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The
first sighs of relief were heard in the borough this week as 127-year old local
resident Mr Benny Fitt was given the first of his two Covid vaccinations. Meanwhile, over in California, Mr Bill Gates
spent a happy day watching and controlling his first victim. This included Mr Fitt watching TV for most of
the day, going for a pee about six times, and having egg and chips for his
tea. It is not yet known how Mr Gates
intends to use this new power, or how he will cope will the influx of thousands
of new injectees over the next few weeks.
Let’s just hope he’s not using Excel spreadsheets to control his Empire.
2.
But such unbounded joy was
tempered by bad news on the Drexit front.
Despite a last-ditch, 11th-hour, skin-of-the-teeth
intervention by the Council leader to rescue the failing talks with the WU
(Wiltshire Union) by going out with the WU’s female leaderene for a fish and
chip supper. Huge differences still remain
between the two sides over such issues as the role of mushy peas on the plate,
red or brown sauce on the chips, and whether the salt or the vinegar should go
on first. There were further differences
of opinion on who should pay for future fish and chips, opening times for chip
shops, and the calorific value and gourmet status of battered sausages.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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