Drivel From Devizes - Dateline Sunday 28th July 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 28^th July 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Unable to afford the cost of sending a full team to the Paris Olympics, the local Clowncil have done the second-best thing, by creating a more “local” set of Olympics, to be held in the big field at the side of the canal (inside Church Hall if wet).  Eschewing the more traditional competitive sports, there will events in goat nadgering, sticking pencils up your nose (ladies only), carrying a round of 18 mixed drinks back to your table in a crowded pub, floodlit horse massage, professional all-comers shoplifting (three categories) and loitering with intent near a zebra crossing. 

2.    The effect of having a new Labour government in Whitehall is already showing huge benefits.  Since Sir Near Starkers came to power the weather has been better, England reached the final of the European Championship, and my girlfriend has started wearing less bling and makeup in favour of her new summer wardrobe.  This would never have happened under the Tories.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024

 

Drivel From D-Town - Dateline Sunday 7th July 2024

Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 7^th July 2024 

Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:                                              

1.      Following its landslide victory in the polls, the new Labour government has already started work by appointing its first ministers and holding its first Cabinet meeting on Saturday afternoon.  The benefits are already beginning to flow – the weather has been better (Summer will be nationalised in the first session of Parliament), England have reached the Euro semi-finals, and in a major local boost to the economy, The Three Crowns have knocked 10p off the price of pints of their three main sellers – Undrinkable Draught Lager, New Fizzy Craft Bollox, and Old Knobstrangler.   The Mayor of D-Town has placed an early telephone call to congratulate the new Prime Minister, but has been informed by the girl on the No. 10 Switchboard to get lost. 

2.    The local poll returned a Lib-Dem for the first time in nearly 100 years.  The previous Tory majority of over 16k, held by a large turd with as blue flag planted in it, was over-turned completely.  The turd, aka Michelle Donefor, refused to comment after the result was announced in the early hours of Friday morning, although her aides were quick to blame Nigel Farrago’s Gammon Reform party, communist plotters, Count Binface, the long queues at Greggs on Thursday afternoon, the bloke swigging lager in the Market Place, and the very slow service at the Cosy Café.  Ms Donefor is thought to be considering her future, but is likely to want to spend more time with her money. 

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2024