A study in the British Medical Journal has found that the brain's cognitive abilities begin to decline 15 years earlier than previously thought - which means that I've been on the downward spiral for longer than I had realised. I already knew that my brain was being reduced to a rotting, spongy mass on an almost daily basis, making it difficult for me to remember how to string two sentences together, or what on earth I'd gone upstairs for, or what the scientific reason was for the existence of Jedward.
The fact that I'm declining is news neither to me, nor to my large circle of family, friends and, ahem, admirers. But it's a bit rough to suddenly find out that I'm hurtling towards the buffers of amnesiac oblivion at such great speed. Nor does this sit well with the idea that the nation as a whole is "getting older", that the silver surfer demographic is beginning to dominate the UK, and that the grey pound is where all the sales and martketing efforts of our great & good corporations should be aimed. Not only are we all getting older (doh!), but we're all getting more stupid more quickly. This is not good, however you choose to look at it.
Looks like the ship of state is not only manned by an aging crew, but with Captain Cameron already aged 45, Vice-Captains Clegg and Osborne heading the same direction, what hope is there that we won't hit the ice-berg of economic doom?
As the Beyond The Fringe guys once put it - "it's time for a totally futile gesture".
Time to break onto the Bridge and set the controls for the heart of the sun. (We should be OK on that one, provided we do it by night).
Now......what was it I was saying?.......
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