A Selection Of Alternative Carols

Good King Wenceslas last looked out,

From his bedroom window.

Silly fool, he fell out,

On to a pile of red-hot cinders. 

How his bum shone red that night,

Though the frost was cruel.

Then a poor man came in sight,

Riding on a mule.

 

O come all ye unfaithful,

Playful and quite rampant,

Put your mistresses away,

And pay alimony for your infants.

 

In the bleak mid-winter,

Frosty wind made moan,

Ice & snow blocked roads,

Hemmed in by traffic cones.

 

We three kings of Orient are,

One in a bus, and one in a car,

One on a scooter,

Pipping his hooter,

Wondering where we are.

 

Away in a manger,

No crib for a bed.

This is a Premier Inn:

Lenny Henry’s paying instead.

 

Ding dong merrily on high,

In stores the tills are ringing:

Ding dong! Profits reach the sky,

And filled with owners singing.

Gloria, Bonuses in excelsis!

 

Deck the malls with loads of money,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis the season to act funny,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fill the cash tills, use the plastic,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Stretch your money like elastic,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012