Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline –
Sunday 28th April 2013
Here is
our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
· 1. Bromham
Casuals’ star striker Dwayne Mooney has been banned for 10 games by the
governing body of the West Wilts Germolene League for the offence of gnawing on
the leg of an opponent in last Sunday’s key match against Stockley Corinthians.
Although Mooney has publicly apologised to his opponent and to the club, the
Casuals’ irascible manager, Benny Dogleash, said that Mooney deserved the
punishment and that the club would not be appealing. Explaining his striker’s lapse of discipline,
Dogleash said that Mooney had probably just been a little hungry. He added that it would prompt the club to
look at their pre-game nutrition strategy, since the normal doner kebab and
chips, with extra chilli sauce “obviously didn’t do it for the lad”.
· 2. Voters
in Bromham were faced with a bleak choice in this week’s forthcoming local
elections. The only candidates on the
ballot will be Peter Piglet, Carrot-Rooters’ Action Party (CRAP), Paul Piglet,
Carrot-Rooters’ Action Party (CRAP), Peregrine
Piglet, Carrot-Rooters’ Action Party (CRAP), and Percival Piglet, Carrot-Rooters’ Action
Party (CRAP). The local UKIP candidate,
who had declined to stand in this fiercely-CRAP area, described the situation
as “bleak”, “a foregone conclusion”, like “buying a pig in a poke”, and “crap”.
· 3. For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2013
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