Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday
24th December 2017
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Huge
rejoicing in the borough this week, as the most significant announcement of
modern times was made. In an attempt to
cheer up the citizens of D-Town, and to curb the depressing fall in morale
regarding Drexit negotiations, the leaderene of the Town Council has promised
that there will be a return to war-time identity cards, white fiver-pound notes,
the farthing coin, poor sanitation and rickets.
Setting the clock back seventy or eighty years will coincide with the
re-introduction of a hard border at the entrance to the town. Unfortunately the steam-train service will
not be restored as someone has filled in all the tunnels, ripped down the
bridges and built a housing estate over the land where the station used to
be. A replacement bus service would just
not have the right ring to it.
2. And
finally, police in The Vize have advised citizens of the town to be on the
look-out tonight for a shady character, often dressed in red & white, who
may attempt a series of daring house-burglaries during the evening. His vehicle, a reindeer-powered sleigh, is
often parked on the roofs of houses as he enters the premises via the chimney
stack. He is known to target mince pies
and glasses of sherry carelessly left out by house-holders. He carries out careful research and is known
to be well-informed as to which children living at each address have been bad
or good. Police added, in a further
warning, that they were aware of his plans, that you’d better watch out, you better not cry, better not
pout, and they are telling you why.
He is apparently making a list and checking it twice, that he’ll find
out who's naughty and nice. He
also sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows
if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.
3.
For
details of these and all other Devizes stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station D-Town F-Off.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2017
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