Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 13th January
2019
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
D-Town
was determined to demonstrate that its plans for a possible No-deal Wexit (exit
from Wiltshire) are already at an advanced stage. On Thursday a massive convoy of up to three
buses, a lorry and a milk float tested the ability of the A342 to cope with
increased levels of traffic, should the hard border with Chippenham come into
being near the outskirts of Bromham. “I
think that this morning’s exercise proved a point,” commented a spokes-being
from the Council. “For example, it’s
clear that the mobile café in the lay-by near Derry Hill may need to increase
the number of its plastic chairs from four to eight. However, discussions about the need for a
parasol in the summer months are still deadlocked.”
2.
Meanwhile,
the town’s retail outlets are planning for the worst by stock-piling essential goods
in case of a break-down in the supply chain.
Key categories so far include tubes of Pringles (salt n’ vinegar
flavour), disposable razor blades, suppositories, and oven chips. It is believed that these items are being
stored in a secret location (in a small warehouse, 3rd turning on
the left on London Road), in case of a break-down in law and order following
the advent of The End Of Days. Toilet
paper, tins of Spam and Slush Puppies are all expected to be rationed, and tin
helmets will be issued to all members of the population over forty years of
age. What a time to be alive.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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