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Monday 7 January 2019

It's My Party...


It’s My Party…

It’s not seemly to be selfish, to keep it to oneself
Hiding it from others, to be so possessive, and not to share
But this quite different
In this case, it’s mine, not yours
And clearly belongs only to me
It’s personal and private
The thing that’s growing inside is for me to suffer and endure
To conduct my own campaign of warfare against it
And to battle bravely against what ails me

I appreciate your interest
Your sympathy, your empathy
And all the feelings you have for my sorry situation
How you’d like to take over
To make me feel better
To nurse me back to health
To smother me with love
To overwhelm me with information
And the brave tales of others who have battled and won
But you can’t fight by proxy
You’re stepping on my toes
Encroaching onto my patch
Muscling in on my action
Pushing me out of the picture
And invading my territory

Can’t you see?
I went to a lot of trouble
Spent a lot of my lifetime
To catch this bloody disease
And develop this deadly condition
Growing these mutant cells
That threaten to spread over the rest of my innards
It was me that gave birth to this monster
It’s my bloody baby, so let me look after it
I must be the one to nurture it, and feel it grow
Till it’s fully formed and large enough
That I can finally stick the knife in
Cut it right away
And kill the damned cuckoo

Don’t deny me this one thing that’s mine
The anger that’s driving me
Till the fight-back begins -
It’s one of the few pleasures I’m likely to get

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019

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