Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 20th September 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. As
D-Town comes to terms with the new “Rule-of-Six”, special walk-in workshops and
tutorials have been arranged at several venues around the town, in order to
help people to understand the whole concept of counting up to six on their
hands. Hampered by only having five
digits on each hand, The Vize has suffered disproportionately from Covidiots
who cannot work out how many mates they can go to the pub with, how many pints
of lager they can sink in one hour, how many ducks they can throw rocks at on
The Crammer, how many people they can attack on the way home, and how many
kebabs they need to buy to feed six people.
Showings of “Blake’s Seven”, “The Magnificent Seven” and “Seven Brides
For Seven Brothers” have all been cancelled at the local cinema because they
break the Covid regulations.
2. And
local police have been inundated with calls from people dobbing in their
neighbours for breaking the new rules. Local
Neighbourhood Snitch schemes have been set up in order to pick up the burden
from the Authorities, involving parties of vigilantes armed with pitchforks and
burning brands, to “advise” citizens exactly how many people they can have in
their back yards for a BBQ. Other new
groups that have sprung up in the past few days include The Curtain-Up
Neighbourhood Twitchers (CUNT), D-Town Informants’ Collective Klan (DICK), and
the Vize Organised Members’ Information Trust (VOMIT).
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
No comments:
Post a Comment