Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 13th March 2022
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. D-Town has announced its latest humanitarian visa scheme for people fleeing the war in the Eastern state of Trowvegas. Applicants will need to complete a mere eighteen forms online, upload at least four recent photographs of a Great Bustard, and provide details of a sponsor who is willing to have them stay in a shed at the foot of their gardens. Instructions will be in Tagalog, a southern hemisphere language, because….well the software was really cheap. Biometrics, in the form of two stool samples, will be taken on Days 3 and 4 after arrival, when the benefits of a poor West Wiltshire diet can be seen most effectively.
2. And sanctions against Trowvegas and its supporters are now beginning to really bite. The billionaires Ollie Gark, Milly Onair and Rich Bastard have all had their arses frozen, and their assets impounded. Milk deliveries to the Trowvegas sink estates have been curdled and curtailed. The 49 bus route has been diverted to make it serve stops that are even more inconvenient than usual.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2022
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