Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 5th June 2022
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. As the citizens of The Vize draw themselves together for the fourth and final time to celebrate the Platinum Jubilee of HMQ, the Lord Mayor encouraged them to make one final effort. The lines of soggy bunting and bedraggled Union flags paid tribute to four exhausting days of enforced jollity, celebration and loyalty. Last night’s star-studded, all-celebrity, Jubilee concert featured a Bernard Cribbins Tribute Act, a display of floodlit horse massage, exhibition goat-nadgering, tractor Olympics and local favourite Riff Pilchard & Bale-Twiners. Earlier in the day there had been a royal fly-past by the Easyjet 15.40 flight from Bristol to Edinburgh (scheduled to land in near-by Berwick-on-Tweed), which tipped a wing in salute as the drinks-and-peanuts trolley was wheeled down the aisle. Today will feature rain-sodden street parties serving such local delicacies as pig-trotter sandwiches, faggot vol-au-vents and lashings of lardy cake. Never have people looked so forward to getting back to work on Monday.
2. And the week-end’s competition to find the most inane name for the royal celebrations drew to a grand climax last night. Entries included Jubbly-Bubbly, Juliebobs, Julie-bee, Jollybobs, Jolly Holly and the eventual runner-up - Why Do We Even Bother? - and the outright winner by a huge margin – Not Another Bloody Bank Holiday. The prize-winners were treated to a free case of Waddies bottled beer. The runners-up received two cases of the same beverage.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2022
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