Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 23rd April 2023
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Disappointment was the keynote this week as D-Town’s Inter-stellar Mission (DIM) got off to a bad start when the test-firing of the town’s largest and most powerful ever rocket ended with an explosion only two minutes after take-off. This event was described by a spokesman as “a rapid and unscheduled disassembly”, and warned journalists to “never mistake a trial for failure”. Taking a leaf out of the Circumlocution Handbook For Beginners, the Highways Agency has reclassified the town’s deep and treacherous potholes as “unrepaired variations in the smooth road surface”. The police, struggling with a high number of incidents involving feral youths, have described the crime-wave as an “unapprehended number of unsupervised anti-social incidents”. And The Crammer, D-Town’s famous duck-pond, reputed home of the original Moonrakers, has been re-labelled as “an uncharted expanse of harmless liquid supporting several species of edible wildlife”.
2. And the world of local politics suffered another blow this week when the Deputy Mayor, Ivor Roughshod-Manner, was forced to resign after the publication of a damning report which named him as a bully of the worst sort. He was said to have taken some councillor oiks round to the back of the Council back-sheds and given them a jolly good telling-off. A new Council bully is expected to be appointed in the coming days.
Copyright Andy
Fawthrop 2023
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