Poem for Pancake Day

Somebody had to do it, so it might as well be me.  Have you noticed that they've had eggs, flour & milk in the supermarkets for WEEKS now? - when did Pancake Day become so commercialised?  Hope you like my eggcellent poem!  More a tale of domestic violence really.

The Flip Side

What did I ever do to you,

That you should batter me this way?

You’ve got me all stirred and mixed up –

Is there something special about the day? 

You started by egging me on,

With your sweet, floury words,

You milked it for all it was worth,

Well, save it for the birds! 

You really bowled me over,

But I took it with a pinch of salt,

So you just let me stand around -

I’m sure it wasn’t my fault!

Then things started getting heated,

You charmed me as if butter

Wouldn’t melt in your mouth -

I thought you must be some sort of nutter. 

You pushed me across the work-top,

I wondered what was my fate?

Out of the fire, into the frying pan,

What a desperate state! 

You tipped me right over the edge,

I felt completely beaten,

Getting me all hot and bothered,

I felt so flat, with rage I was eaten. 

You attacked me with that spatula,

And soon I became set in my ways,

Underneath, I became quite browned off,

The atmosphere was a haze. 

You just threw me up in the air,

Tossed like any play-thing,

But when I came down so suddenly,

I nearly hit the ceiling! 

By now, I’d completely flipped,

And I landed back in the same place.

You just carried on regardless,

As if you couldn’t lose face. 

I felt as if I was now ready,

I thought I was going to crack,

But you just pushed me to one side,

And said I’d have to wait in the stack.

You said you had other things cooking,

You started to mutter and chirrup,

Then you came over all sugary,

Giving me the usual syrup. 

Then you couldn’t get enough of me,

Your appetite  I just couldn’t sate.

You said that you really loved me -

But that you had an awful lot on your plate. 

Of course, I just soaked it all up,

Everything you decided to say,

But I don’t think I can do this again,

Find somebody else next Shrove Tuesday!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2012