Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Oh my dearest Caledonia,

Between us there’s still a strong link -

I’m glad you’ve come to your senses at last,

And stepped right back from the brink.

I know that you’ve long been unhappy,

That you’ve often shed a few tears,

But it happens in many a Union,

Even after three hundred years.

I guess that you wanted your freedom,

To make some decisions all by yourself,

But I’m going to stick by you, my love,

Not leave you alone on the shelf.

And there’ll be some changes round here, my dear,

So lay off your keening and weeping,

I promise to listen to what you’re now saying,

And there’ll be a bit more in the house-keeping.

You can keep all those things you’ve collected:

The plaid, the tartan and shortbread,

Billy Connolly and Andy Murray,

If that’s what it takes for us to stay wed.

I suppose your eye had started to wander,

As you dallied with Jocks and with Jacks,

And your strange friend Alex Salmond,

To say nothing of that chap Devo Max.

I won’t whinge about the Loch Ness Monster

Even if he tends to bark in the night.

I’ll put up with the skirl of the bagpipes -

Anything to make sure that you’re all right.

A Scotch mist must have clouded your judgement,

And confused you, so you could’nae see far,

You were seduced by the lure of the haggis,

And the joy of a deep-fried Mars bar.

I know that you’re keen on Gretna Green,

To its pleasures you’re closely attuned.

You love your Highlands, and hundreds of islands

And you can hang on to your own Poond.

The border needs crossing, to see caber-tossing,

And Balmoral’s certainly your fave.

We’ll gae tae Glasgae and to Clydeside,

And sing choruses of Scotland The Brave.

  

I can see you were built for sporting a kilt,

To show your support for Saint Andrew,

And drinking the whiskey keeps you well frisky,

See you Jimmie, and Och Aye Tha Noo!

I must’ve underestimated you, girl,

You were a Brave-Heart that was on fire.

AS you carried on with your Highland Games,

And wrapped yourself up in a Saltire.

Bonnie Prince Charlie became a distraction,

And Rabbie Burns once long hold your heart,

But let’s get modern, forget about Culloden

And see if we can’t make a new start.

We’ll say no more of the use of the claymore,

And Flodden Field can pass into history.

We’ll stand tall, beside Hadrian’s Wall,

And eating porridge oats won’t be a mystery.

No passport control at the old border,

We’ll support both Celtic and Rangers,

The land of the Forth, up there in the North,

Will no longer hold any dangers.

It may have been a question of YES or NO,

For you to decide what you wanted to be,

But finally you’ve decided -

And it’s not D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

So let’s be friends again, dear Scotia,

As we trip the Gay Gordons through the heather.

It’s got to be cited, forever united,

Cos we were always “Better Together”.

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2014