Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 19th October 2014
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. It
appears that the starting-gun for next year’s long-awaited Parish Council
elections has already been fired. Party
leaders have begun campaigning around the village, babies are already being
kissed, and political speeches that have not yet been made are being reported
verbatim in the Bromham Bugle. The
Bromham Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has begun a daily bulletin on the
progress being made by the Swivel-Eyed Loonie Federation (SELF) and its leader
Wat Farrago. Villagers are reported to
have voted with their feet by leaving in droves to live with relatives
elsewhere in the county until the dust dies down.
2. A
member of the Field Land-Owners’ Party (FLOP) was suspended by its leader Dave
Wentwrong after being caught on tape making disparaging remarks about parsnip
pluckers. Paul Piglet, advisor to the
Parish Council on one-armed farm-workers, claimed that some vegetable
root-pickers were not worth the minimum agricultural wage, because they were
not able to harvest certain root-crops with a single pull. Later, he issued a full apology, claiming
that he should not have accepted the premise of the question put to him, which
was actually about the red-staining of hands caused by beetroot-picking. The
Society of Local Unlicensed Root Pickers (SLURP), a national charity, was said
to be outraged by the advisor’s comments.
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
Copyright
Andy Fawthrop 2014
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