Bulletin From Bromham: Dateline
– Sunday 26th October 2014
Here is our weekly round-up of events from Bromham:
1. Bromham
was thrown into a medical crisis on Friday when all the GPs registered in the
wider area were reported to have retired en masse. Following the Government’s announcement on
Wednesday that GPs would receive £55 for every patient whom they diagnosed with
dementia, it transpired that the vast majority of villagers were immediately
classified as being “a pork pie short of a picnic”, or “all the lights being on
but no-one at home”, or “wheel spinning, but hamster dead”. Many patient files, however, were also
endorsed “NFB”, which apparently is short-hand for “normal for Bromham”.
2. Dave
Wentwrong, Leader of the Parish Council, and head of the Field Land-Owners’
Party (FLOP), went into meltdown this week when it transpired that Wiltshire
Council has decided to send Bromham a bill for over £12.50 for verge-clearing
services, dating back to 2007. “Here we
go again!” he fulminated. “This is
exactly why we need to re-negotiate our relationship with Wiltshire
Council. If we are unable to agree more
favourable terms, we will be left with no option but to secede from the county
and apply to join Somerset. Or Dorset.
Or Gloucestershire. Or Oxfordshire. Or
Berkshire. Or Hampshire. Or anywhere
else that will have us. I’ve heard the North of Scotland is very nice.”
3.
For
details of these and all other Bromham stories, don’t forget to listen to local
radio station Carrot FM.
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