Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 19th July 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Citizens
were left puzzled this week about the apparent u-turn by their much-reviled
Town Council. Following ceaseless
political pressure from Chippers & The Sham, with whom D-town is in a
Special (although clearly not Exclusive) Relationship, it has been announced
that Leyland Woohoo vehicles will no longer be allowed within the First Group
(5G) bus infrastructure. Existing
vehicles must be withdrawn by 2024, and no new Woohoo vehicles can be bought
after the end of this year. A spokesbot
for Woohoo said this week that the decision was very disappointing for his
company, and that it could lead to delays of 2-3 weeks between buses on the 49
route.
2. But
joy was unconfined on Friday when the populace learned that the youngest child
of that bloke who lives in the big house in the park had got married to a
fellow bottom-feeder. The wedding was
held in absolutely complete secret, with no-one knowing. The only people attending, or informed, weere
their extended families, their friends on Faceache, TickleTockle, Instatwat, Grindr,
Wobblr, Tremblr, LinkdIn, Twatter, the local press, the national press
(including The Fail, The Stun, The Grauniad, The Torygraph and The Sexpress)
and the international press (Australia’s Outback Times, USA’s Covid-19 News and
Russia’s Pravda). But otherwise, absolutely no-one else was even aware of the
ceremony, especially not the local florists, hairdressers & caterers. Nor
the owners of The Corny Bin, where the wake reception was held, with
disco dancing into the early hours of the morning. The father of the bride could not be found,
with rumours circulating that his services had been procured elsewhere. He said he could not be there because at the
time he was treating his other daughter to a Bargain Meal in the local branch
of Neverspoons.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
No comments:
Post a Comment