Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 31st January 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. A diplomatic war has broken out between D-Town and Trowvegas over the distribution of supplies of root vegetables, after the commissioner for T-Town claimed that it had a binding contract with the supplier of carrots and swedes, and demanded that supplies from the farm should be diverted from D-Town. But in a late gesture of reconciliation, D-Town offered a special discount price on its parsnips and beetroots.
2. Since reports of thefts of pampas grass have been reported, police have discovered a vast network of underground plant-dealing. Well known as a signal, where it is planted in front gardens, that the owners are up for a “swinging” session, other surprising horticultural signals have now been revealed. For example - rhododendrons signal “threesomes”, magnolias offer “BDSM” and mimosas are requesting sex with animals. However the meaning of hedges of box trimmed into cute shapes remains unchanged – the people here are just wankers.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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