My Pre-Nuptial Agreement

My Pre-Nuptial Agreement

You know I love you, my dearest:

A fact I’m sure you’ll always treasure,

But before we go too far my love,

It’s time that we took some measure.

There will surely come a day, my love,

In future times some way ahead,

When you’ll love me no more I guess,

And you will wish that I were dead.

You won’t be able to speak to me,

Nor will I to you, I’m thinking.

We’ll argue every time we meet,

And then I’ll take to drinking.

And you will want to go your own way,

And leave me very far behind.

And we’ll wonder what brought us together:

Well, they say that love is blind.

So let us decide right now, my love,

I don’t want my heart breaking.

Let’s not argue, but just agree,

Just what you think you’ll be taking.

You can have the old arm-chair in the corner,

With its frilly covers & such.

You always seemed to like it,

But it was never up to much.

You take the stereo and the CDs,

Because music wasn’t my thing.

You can hang on to most of our stuff,

Even that old wedding ring.

Please have all of our furniture

The savings accounts if you must,

For you know that once we are parted,

You won’t be seeing me for dust.

Keep all of our pots and our pans:

I don’t want to stake much of a claim,

But there’s one or two things I’d like,

I guess, if it’s all the same.

I’ll take my toothbrush & some personal things,

Like my little black address book,

My diary, my writings, my pictures,

I’m sure you won’t give much of a.. second look.

But there’s one thing I want to make clear,

And I’m saying it quite flat.

I’ll be filing for sole custody

Of our one-eyed, old ginger cat.

For I know that he loves me,

And his feelings will never waver,

As long as I keep feeding him daily,

I’ll never lose his favour.

Unlike you, my love, who’ll only get bored,

He’ll stay with me forever.

You know where you are with a cat,

But with you – well, that’ll be never.

For as you grow older and fatter,

In my eyes you’ll become just a jade.

Our feelings will fall apart daily,

And our love will definitely fade.

But old Samson’s ugly enough now,

He’s not the most elegant pet.

You know where you are when you start out:

And it’s as good as I’m going to get!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2016