Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 10th March 2019
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1.
It
promises to be an exciting week in D-Town on the political and constitutional
front. As the prospect of the borough
crashing out of Wiltshire (WEXIT) with no deal approaches, there is to be a
whole series of inter-connected votes in the Council Chamber to determine the
next steps. On Monday there will be two motions,
with three amendments each, wherein councillors will be given a free vote on
what votes to have on Tuesday. However
the second motion is dependent on the first.
The first motion will not be needed if the division planned for
Wednesday goes ahead, but this in turn could be swept away by Thursday’s “meaningful”
vote. Obviously this means that there
would be no backstop in place for Tuesday’s resolution, or Wednesday’s vote
(but only if it is in the negative).
According to the current rules, if this should happen, the Council will
have arrived at Mornington Crescent.
2. And forward planning in the event of a no-deal WEXIT
is now in an advanced state. All
allotments, roadside verges and The Green will be dug up and planted with the
only things that will grow in the current climate – swedes and cabbages. Householders will be issued with tin helmets,
and every family will be expected to install an Anderson Shelter in their
gardens. Petrol will be rationed and
bicycles will be given priority in the streets.
Cookery courses, tuned to the new reality, will be held in all schools
and colleges. Particular favourites are
expected to be swede gratin, cabbage soup, and swede and cabbage surprise. Community singing will be organised three
times a day in the Palace Cinema, and the long-neglected mighty Wurlitzer will
be restored and pressed back into service.
Candles will be strictly rationed, and bathing will only be allowed once
a week in 5 inches of lukewarm water.
Long live the D-Town Republic!!!
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2019
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