Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 18th July 2021
Here is our weekly round-up of events from D-Town:
1. The West Wiltshire (South) Germolene League Cup Final was disrupted when drunken fans, allegedly supporting D-Town Casuals, ran riot yesterday. One man who claimed to have drunk 20 pints of local cider, snorted several lines of coke, and ingested 14 lardy cakes was so out of his head that he stuffed sparklers up his nose, Catherine wheels in his ears, and an emergency flare up his rectum, before unicycling across a tightrope strung across the Market Place. Later he claimed that although it probably ranked as “one of the best days of my life”, he could not actually remember a single thing about it.
2. And in an escalating game of one-up-manship (aka pissing contest), two D-Town entrepreneurs (aka shopkeepers) vied to be the first to get all the way to the edge of space, an area of weightlessness, with no human life or atmosphere (aka Trowvegas) by riding the 49 bus all the way to its terminus (aka a region rarely known previously). It would be unfair to say that many people hoped they’d crash and burn in the attempt. Unfair, but true nevertheless.
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2021
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