Badgers Moving The Goalposts

Goalposts (following the excuse given by Government’s Environment Minister Owen Paterson as to why the badger cull had not been a success)

There’s something odd going on in the night,

And I don’t think it’s the action of ghosts,

I think I might have rumbled the culprits,

‘Cos it’s the badgers what’s moving the goalposts.

They’re fed up of being cast as the bad guys;

They say that they’re not even criminal types,

But they’re being pushed into a corner,

Just because of their black and white stripes.

They’re not playing for Newcastle United,

Nor other league teams out on the coasts.

They don’t want to be blamed as the scapegoats,

And that’s why the badgers are moving the goalposts.

They’ve had enough of government ministers,

The farmers, and other tub-thumpers,

They’re confused by all the statistics,

And the constant re-hashing of numbers.

So now they’ve called on all of their allies,

All the creatures that the countryside boasts,

And got them to sabotage the hunting,

Whilst they get on with moving more goalposts.

What if the deer changed all of the white markings,

And the foxes built a new ditch?

What if the rats ran off with the corner flags,

And the field-mice built nests on the pitch?

What if the cats and rats infested the grand-stands,

And the kestrels ruled over all as the hosts?

Then the biggest change that you’d see on the ground,

Wouldn’t be the badgers moving the goalposts.

Bad science is causing this mayhem;

But it shouldn’t cause much of a shock,

Because this is what you’ll end up with,

If you keep putting Mr. Brock in the dock.

So let’s get this cull into perspective:

Let’s not celebrate victory with toasts.

Let’s understand that it’s all a big mess -

It’s the badgers moving the goalposts!

Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2013