Drivel From Devizes: Dateline – Sunday 11th October 2020
Here is our weekly
round-up of events from D-Town:
1. Surprise
was expressed this week in The Vize when it was revealed that the Town Council
had been using an older version of an abacus with which to calculate Covid
infection and death rates. The model, an
old steam-driven Morris abacus, only allows the use of one finger whilst in operation,
whereas more up-to-date models definitely require a two-fingered approach. The Council’s IT department, currently in the
throes of upgrading their Commodore 64 computer to a more modern Atari ST, were
unavailable for comment.
2. But
citizens were bolstered yesterday in their Lockdown bunkers by the sight of the
Council leader, who had recently tested positive for Covid, making a personal
appearance on the balcony of the Town Hall making a rousing, morale-boosting
speech to his supporters. He said that
he had completely recovered, that citizens should not be afraid of the virus,
that he had tested more positive than any other human being, that he had the
strongest/ newest strain of the virus (Covid 20+), that Covid 19 was now old
hat, that his frequent injections of Jeyes fluid had made him feel cleaner than
he had in years, that he was full of experimental drugs, and that citizens
would also be given free access to such medication (*terms & conditions
apply)
Copyright Andy Fawthrop 2020
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